In 2004, I was a speaker at the Classical Singers convention. CJ, the editor of this fabulous magazine, asked me to write an article. This was the 1st article I ever wrote for Classical Singer. [edited]
I’m not a trained monkey. That’s the working title of a book I am writing. What do I mean? I’ve been on stage for 30 years and I can say I have really learned my craft, as an actor, as a singer and most recently, as a director. The thing that surprised me when I stopped running around the world, was just how much I disliked “show business.” What I disliked most; I felt like a trained monkey.
Sing this note, this aria, sing beautifully and I’ll give you a banana. Twirl while you’re singing, and I’ll give you two bananas, do it on roller skates, and…you get the picture.
In all the training, and all the ‘shoulds,’ that assail an artist, in all the sweaty glamour, where is the balanced human being who is supposed to be the foundation of the artist? I had to go deep within to discover the essence of who I really am.
Guess what? I’m not a trained monkey. I’ve thrown down my bananas and started a revolution of self-discovery.
Why have we let a coterie of managers, coaches, directors and colleagues tell us how high to jump, what color of vest to wear and how to dance to the organ grinder’s tunes? Why do we cringe when our voices are mocked? Why does our self-esteem crumble when we lose an audition?
Could it be because we have been too busy honing the vocal skills and haven’t spent enough time honing the skills that strengthen our inner voice, the voice of our hearts, our souls? Have we sold it all for a high C, or a low E flat?
You may say, “That doesn’t apply to me,” and stop reading – that’s okay. Maybe it doesn’t apply to you, but maybe it’s so accurate, it must be denied.
Human beings who choose the arts to express themselves have enormous courage (from the French word coeur: heart) and enormous frailty. Why deny it? It is the magic duality that gives fire to our creative genius.
Many of us gravitate to the stage for safety, to find a beautiful refuge from an ugly world. Maybe we are looking to be loved – even if only for a moment, and even if the love is make-believe.
The bits of tissue on which we base a career are subject to the human laws of aging. When they go, we’re left with ourselves, devoid of the tricks that made us so sought after. In Hollywood, the story is the same. Many stars spend vast sums on themselves, lifting everything, trying in vain to hold onto a moment in time.
What about lifting our souls? Fame is a chimera that vanishes into thin air. The divine spark of your being never vanishes. It’s worth working on. It is eternal. Think about that.